For a Minute There I Lost Myself

Whew -- since my last update (real update, I mean) much has happened.  I sailed through my first cocktail of chemo drugs called AC.  It wasn't fun by any stretch, but it was amazing how much easier this experience was compared to my last one.  If anti-nausea drugs can improve so greatly in five years, just think of what other medical advances are right around the corner.  I started another drug, Taxol, in April and was scheduled to finished on June 18th.  Until....

You may remember me mentioning my art bra for the GRAPHIC IV event for the BCRC.  I was very lucky (no really, really lucky) to be chosen as a model for the big runway show to show off my handiwork.  I was having a great time chatting with friends, getting prettied and practicing my walk.  I felt as normal as I could with having chemo the day before.  I remember the event pretty well until the point when we had to line up for the show. Then, I awoke in ICU at Seton Medical Center. Huh? WTF? What happened?  

Apparently, a lot, I'm told.  During my runway debut, I took a seat on the runway and passed out.  Then, my heart stopped working normally.  Lucky for me, this happened in front of my doctors.  CPR, a couple of shocks to the heart (oooh....would "Shot to the Heart" been a better title/song reference for this post?), an ambulance ride and some time in the ER later, I came back from the brink.   I am so very thankful that I don't remember anything.  

I spent a couple of days in the hospital.  After tests and many visits from doctors (Many of them found my husband's new iPad more interesting than my case...initially, at least.), no one is really sure why this happened.  My heart is normal by all accounts.  It just seems that there is something wrong with the electrical system that was perhaps set off by a bunch of factors that were going on that evening.  But we will never know for sure why this happened, which is extremely frustrating. So, I had an internal cardiac defibrillator put in under my pec muscle near my collar bone.  If my heart starts misbehaving, it will get a little shock to get to back to normal.  

So now not only am I a two-time breast cancer survivor, I'm a sudden cardiac arrest survivor too.  Hmmmm...I'm not sure how I feel about this exactly.  But, one this is for sure, I feel extremely lucky and blessed to be here right now.  Things could have been worse.  

I've been contemplating gratitude a lot lately.  And while I will save those thoughts for another post, I do want to say how grateful I am to all the people that helped that night.  Thank you just doesn't seem adequate.  

Here are a couple of articles about the event.

http://boss.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/27/are-you-doing-what-you-truly-love/

http://www.statesman.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/charity/entries/2010/05/24/graphic_iv_model_stable_expect.html